You know it's a good song,

when you picture a moment of life flashing by, like a movie.

Pictures in my mind, running through.
Covering me like a blanket.
I'll pull back the covers,
come on in.

I don't want to forget this when the sun breaks the sky.

Sinking in Quick Sin

I saw it in the flash of your eyes.
Just a quick second to the left, I saw you twitch and I watched you sweat.

Liar. The whole of you is just such a great lie.

Often we forget how a best friend came to be.
An unremarkable beginning to a neverending love.

But why is it that the meeting could be the most important in your life and we forget it?
If only because every other day piles on top of it, adding to its greatness.

Wishful Thinking

I made a wish and blew into the weed, but like most things in my life, I had to force it.
Tearing all but the stem, a tear floated down onto the petals.
Maybe fate took pity on me, my wish came true.

Change

Life is constantly changing. What's known to be true yesterday, becomes pure fiction today.
Adjust, adjust and take it as it comes.

This poor cat has been outside my grandma's house for days on end crying.
But everytime I go out to look for it, it stops.

Maybe she's not crying for me.
Maybe she wants to find something much more valuable than a bowl of milk.
Maybe she's trying to figure out what she did wrong.
Maybe she's trapped in the web of lies, not just a web of steel.
Maybe her kitties have been taken away from her: she just wants her babies back.
Or maybe she's just cold in the rain.
But I honestly feel it's something more.
She's trapped.
I can relate.

I feel like now that I've brought this back, I have to be more... restricted with what I let out.
Saving blogs into drafts and hiding my words is not how I should be handling this all.

But it's what I have to to keep some sanity,
if not to myself, but to mask the madness from others.

I'd rather not have even the closest of friends read, especially them.
Give reason for judgement.

But I promised a friend I'd change,
get over the "abandonment issues" and trust.

Personally, those "issues" are an excuse for behavior, but I've already told you about that a few months back.

We all have stories

I just choose to write mine down.

I'm not a miracle, you're not a saint.

I miss it there: no explosions, nothing left to shatter.


listening to: Amie - Damien Rice

If life is so short, and we've learned that, why is it we are still unable to ascertain the everyday ? After millions of years of evolution we still have difficulties handling something as small as a rude comment? Maybe that's a good thing. A sign of choice in an otherwise decided world.

Not much to write about lately.
Legs asleep, it's not like I've been given a chance to run with my thoughts.

It's time to live.

Time to stop regretting embarrassing moments,
and loving the people you shared them with.

Time to laugh at all the jokes,
not so others can hear, but to honestly smile.

Time to take chances everyday,
and fall in love with it.

I'm learning this week.
Learning to laugh, not too loud though.
Learning to love, no exceptions there.
Learning to live, every minute of every day.

It happens way too fast to be so negative about myself. Though I'm still going to be working on those things, theres alot of good things to focus on.

I hate who I'm becoming.

And I need to figure this all out before it gets any worse.

I laugh at jokes I don't find funny.
I talk too loud.
I don't focus on the person I'm talking to, I see who's all listening.
I'm not comfortable in my own skin.
I judge people too quickly.
I'm making enemies.
I act way too immature.
I'm not there for my friends as much as I'd like to be.
I'm becoming more and more selfish with my thoughts.
Life's speeding by and I'm making no effort to make the best of it.
I don't take chances.
I don't say how I truly feel.
I'm becoming way too materialistic.
I'm obnoxious.
I take everything I have in life for granted.
I don't try anymore.
I'm not even a good person.

You just have to cross your fingers and watch it all unfold, hoping for the best.

I put you through a lot of shit.

Drag you through the dirt and spin around a few times to see if your noticing.
But when I'm shoving you away--testing you--is when I really need you to stay.
It's when I really need you to tell me how ridiculous I'm being and be there for me.

Because you put up with alot, and I know that, but it's how I am and I want you to stay.
I need you to stay.

What do you do

when the ones you tell everything to, are the ones you can't face?

For the Friends.

My true colors are shining bright,
but can you stand the light?

I'm honest and mean well.
It may not show in person,
when I'm trying to hide my flaws and show people only the good.
But lately, I'm becoming a person doing the exact opposite.
I don't tell people how much they mean or always say my please and thank yous.
I don't like who I'm becoming.
Too open with my embarassments, they all too easily cover up my intentions.

Always know,
I don't mean to hurt you.
I don't mean the half of anything anymore.

It ruins everything in all the right ways.

Long weeks

pass fast.