Sunday, May 30, 2010

I don't remember hiding.
All I remember is smiling in the dark,
laughing while they searched.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

It would be so easy to fall asleep and never wake up again.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Polished nails and blushed cheeks,
charcoaled eyes and chapsticked lips.
I'll pluck and shave and lotion and whiten.
Always striving for the best.
Never even reaching the decent.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm always in the darkness,
finding my way out. 
It's too hard to breathe.
Reach for a hand, 
my arm grasps through the air,
finally falling to my side.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Beauty is:

Beauty is the drop of a needle on a record.
The sense of belonging when I cross over the Golden Gate.
The glamour of a pin-up girl.
The jolt of sneaking into that extra movie.
It is the sophistication of red lipstick.
The possibilities in a thrift store.
The invitation of a tattoo into a soul.
The constant strive of culture.
Beauty is the crisp of a new book.
The inspiration of pen meeting paper.
The smell of vanilla: the smell of mom.
The ideas of bettering the world with change.
It is the perfect fit of a quote into a feeling.
The swell of my heart when I think of family.
The mystery of the mind.
The shutter of a camera's click.
Beauty is the stick of a word at the end of your tongue.
The wonder of why singing is always better in the shower.
The expression in creativity.
The hum to the tune you can't quite remember.
It is the subway rumbling under your feet.
The way a parent is always there for you.
The scribble of charcoal onto the pad.
The ache to get out and live.
Beauty is the reel of film turning into art.
The blurring of faces all meshing into one.
The contradiction of a conscience.
The pattern in a psyche.
It is the stumble in a child's first steps.
The beam of a boy in love.
The ecstasy of dreams come true.
The gentle swoosh of the wind.
Beauty is the days when that swing set took you to the moon.
The smile in a dog's eyes.
The utopia of love conquering all.
The creativity in intelligence.
It is the laughter of a family dinner.
The pleasure of understanding.
The creation of something out of nothing.
The curiosity in anonymity.
Beauty is the things that make me, me.

A storm is brewing,
nature's lost it too.
Tears cry down on my cheeks,
rain cries down on my head.
Slammed down by the wind.
Now my body feels like my mind.
I struggle and sway,
holding to the thinnest branch.
Knocked down by insanity.
Thunder cracking,
people shrieking.
The ever present yearning 
of that never coming rainbow.
Lights burning out,
sun searching to see out of the clouds.
It's dark and I'm blind.
Wandering and pushing through the shroud,
I fall to the ground.
Sleep at last.

Slam the keys a little harder
stretch your fingers a little farther
eyes open, shoulders swaying
turning the sweet melody into harsh notes
the piano's a punching bag: 
let it out

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Can we play pretend,
forget we were ever friends?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Weak from the days.
Pretend smiles and useless chatter.
I'm over the masquerade, taking off the mask.
Three weeks til freedom and I'm counting the seconds.
It's when I can be alone at last.
I'll sit through the day, begging for the sun to come down
when I can sleep.
If I were so lucky.
Insomnia: my punishment.
I don't even deserve my dreams.

I run away every night.
Lay in my bed and picture a better life.
Somewhere where I'm happy.
Where I don't end up breaking down everyday.
Where I can actually have a conversation in a home without yelling.
Where I feel loved... or even acknowledged.
Somewhere where I'm happy is way too far for me to travel.

Don't try to be cute, it's just so unattractive.

One by one we drift.
Grab the raft and save ourselves.
Life is just a myth.

Monday, May 17, 2010

A Childless Mother

There's a woman out there who smokes her nights away.
Shooting up to get rid of the pain.
She has daughters, a young and an old.
Their lives, without a mother, unfold.
Replacements are made and they soon forget
the mother who God knows will have regrets.
It's graduation night for a girl so bright.
A mom on her arm, she forgets for a night.
These mothers who love without so much a thought,
a love and a life that cannot be bought.
So that woman whose drifting and drinking life away,
has no rights when she's not there for the everyday.
Their mom's not the woman birth made it to be,
a new mommy makes it their destiny.

Friday, May 14, 2010


Alone is how you were born.
It's how you'll die.
It's safest.
No one to trust.
There's no such thing as unconditional love.
Love is a daily thing and you take it in whatever way you can,
grab onto it and hold it, if only for the night.
Repeat the words they say,
replaying it all in your head.
Then it changes.
It's a constant flipping of emotions.
Until your heart becomes too broken to repair,
Once and for all.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Stealing this moment, watching it drift away.
Spit on his feet,
he stays silent.

You crush your cigarette on his cloak,
he stays still.
With tears rushing down your face
you weep to the sky.
Looking at his plastic smile,
waiting for it to speak, make itself known.
The clocks still turning.
Life passing by
as you sit in the rain,
at the bottom of the stairs leading into church.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Teenage Wasteland

A downward slope,
everything comes crashing down around me.
Friends and family.
Grades and a future.

These are the best years of my life?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Devil's running amuck in my mind.
Holding his own in that whirlwind.
Blood among the sea of blue.
I lose them all, one by one.
Slowly life disinegrating.
Start fresh?
The children you were in diapers with
are now your worst enemies.
Trapping you forever in the way
they've labeled you.
Break the mold and suffer the consequences.
What to do,
when the one to blame is you.