Sunday, January 31, 2010

Saltwater Laughing.

This waves crashing and ebbing,
running through the streams of the suburbs
and the lakes of calm country.
A single tear dropped into the pacific.
It travels through the riverbed,
swims with the dolphins and plays with the seals.
If God really does cry for us,
the ocean is a collection of his tears
for creating such beautiful fuck-ups.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Another night in their shadows.

I'm often

imagining how life could be for me.
I live in the future, ignoring the moment.

Time for change.
Things will happen when they need to.

I love this.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Sleep comes easy tonight,
dreams come in color.
Dreams I remember.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Life's moving so much faster now.
A blur of days, a week is over before I have a chance to wrap my head around it.

I'm looking up,

and the ceilings are disappearing.
So many new ways of looking at the world.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Once I let you in,

I promise it's worth it.
Please promise you'll stay.


it's a hard word for me to say.
A taboo.
I feel as if once I utter the simple syllable, everything will fall apart.
Too good to be true, by adding that weight, the hammock with break.

And then what will I have?
So I choose love carefully,
but should I say it?

Could I possibly speak it into existence?

How could four letters possibly cause so much confusion?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Face

Two eyes,
a nose,
a mouth.

All we are is just a collection of similar attributes.
Who decides beauty?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

She was laughing.
Arms flying through the air,
figure eights and glowsticks,
everythings neon -- dancing in the dark.
She lets it all go, stretching her limits.
Free reign.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Happiness as it seems,

is a good thing.
It's a thing I have.

I write of love and promiscuity, things I don't know of.
It's easy for me to play pretend.
I write of sadness because I drudge it out of my heart, but I often ignore the smiles.

It's a constant for me to have my cheeks blushed with laughter. So even in my most honest moments: things may not always be as I feel, things may not always be as I write them.

What a life I chose.

I still feel sane, still feel sure.
I'm still crazy, still nervous.

It's a mood swing taking me far.
Which makes me worse: nobody can see it on the outside.
It's all just held in, let out all at once.

And when nobody's looking, it all comes undone.

It's a burden I slap onto others just by being near.
Nobody wants this, and it's not right for me to infect them.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Make a wish,

and make it count.

Today was a good day,
friends and family: what else is there?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Sixteen Candles

With each blow of the flame, I wish for the better.
But it seems that no matter how many candles flicker away,
No matter how much pocket change I spend in fountains,
Countless days of 11:11 and  whispering into dandelions,

I always find a way to screw it up.
Wishes are wasted and dreams are destroyed with each try.

I guess I'm just not meant to be happy.

Punishment for smiles, everything comes crashing down at once.

Mental Block

Subconsciously, I must not want to share this feeling.

I love the days

with the rain running down my face,
hair soaked and clothes drenched,
but I still feel incredibely warm.

The days where makeup becomes a thing of the past,
and I forget all about looking perfect,
I feel beautiful just being around them.

The days where hanging out with my friends
will always triumph over homework,
yet I still find time to do it.

These are the days I remember.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


may not be possible, but my life is getting close to it.
I'm so lucky for all the people in it and how things are going.
One things missing, something that I spend my time craving.

But hey, nothings perfect, right?

Sepia-toned Loving.

They met young, laughed til the night fell on them.
He was brave and outspoken; she delicate and proper.
But he made his way into her dreams that night.
Intertwining their fingers, soon it all became real.
Through the years, they made their impacts.
He gave her courage, she gave him love.
Waking next to her gave him a gift far more than words could threaten.
So when she did not wake, he cried a little, reminisced a little, then he himself fell asleep; a smile on his lips.
Dreaming with her forever. 

It's not a molded ending, no immediate happiness for the intolerant ones.
But soon enough you'll understand: he was with her, she was with him: what more could they have asked for?


to let it out is the real medicine, not laughing or crying or talking.
But, then again, I would have nothing to write about without those things.

Money makes the world go mad.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I Promise

that everythings changing, and I really like it.

Not a new way of looking at the world, but an improvement.
They've been there all along, just now they're more pronounced.
But I can't let the rest fall into the background.

I don't care what you think, I just wonder.

Edge of Innocence

At what age does "duh" become a nonexistent word and "no shit" take its place?

Unspoken Truths

"We never feel the same emotion twice:
No two ships ever ploughed the selfsame billow.
The waters change, with every fall and rise;
So, Guilo, go contented to thy pillow."

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
My ancestor.
I become more and more proud of my blog and how brutally honest I am every post.

And since we're being honest:
I deleted a post the other day,
I was riding a tide of emotion I'm not yet ready to share with people, but one day I may come across something similar.

Talk is Cheap,

trust only in the pinky promise.

These can be judged as the words of a naive little girl,
or they can be the truth of a girl hoping for the best in people.
Which, in all honesty, may make me naive.

I think too much

and at times, too less.

Overthinking the small and spurting out the big.
While the other one is in my mouth, I always have one foot on the ground keeping me steady.

But it's getting harder and harder to keep my balance.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm afraid I'm contributing to a mistake.

It's already happening, and there's no way to stop it now, but am I selfish for wanting it to stop?


Outside of School.

An alternate universe, I get a glimpse of the real world.

Sweet 16

Spent my time laughing instead of smiling,
Speaking without thinking,
Not worrying about every little thing,
And I don't regret any of it.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Carpe diem, c'est la vie, deja vous.

Passage of Right.

Mary Jane was from suburbia.
In diapers, the regular: teething and playing.
As she grew she asked "Daddy, what's a thong, what's a bong, what's a bomb?"
He shrugged her off, "Go ask your mom."
Later, the questions turned to answers.
The confusion turns her inside out,
points her to the bottle.
It's a society where a little girl inhales long before her first kiss.
But when she meets him, she learns fast.
Touching him here, kissing him there.
He touches her here, hits her there.

She's lost down a hole, Alice's worst nightmare.
Faster pace, a culture of lies and hate.
Where a life begins much sooner than the norm.
But her life is thrown, spiraling swiftly down.
Heading for ground, a new boy grasps her fingers fast
and never lets go.

Peer Pressure

It's an old wives tale,
an excuse for the weak.
A promise of forgiveness for the damaged.
A lie to the mind,
and we all believe it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe

A mind is so desperate to have closure,
A hand so desperate for warmth,
A heart so longing of a home.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm such a girl.

Tears at the drop of a hat: cartoons to commercials.

I'm such a woman.
Pain gets sucked up: blood and bruises. No waterworks from this one.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Once upon a time is now.

We're all just competing in this human race.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Haven't you heard?

I am a mass of contradictions:
Sabotoging childhood and compromising dreams.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

With my feet on the ground and head up in the clouds, I'm often in the inbetween.

Friday, January 8, 2010

If women ruled the world, do you think there would be more peace?
Yes, but once a month it'd be a total bitchfest.


Fairytales make it all sound so beautiful.
I'm beginning to think they lied.


I slam into the keys.
My mind is running over and over the words, trying to remember, trying to improve.
I wish life was this way: cut, paste, edit, delete.

I'm sorry she's not what you wanted,
not all she was supposed to be.
Not fitting the mold of the girl in your mind.
Maybe next time you should try a blow up doll.

Red light means go.

The lights are always green when you want to slow down; then comes the traffic after the crash.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Do you think God reads our myspace pages?

What will happen when I've given all my secrets away?
Will I finally find utopia, or will I yet again create another hole to bury my heart in?

The Dignity of a Child.

Me, I, Deanna, Myself. No matter how I word it, everything on this page revolves around me. A selfish act, this blog is a vanity phenomenon.


With so many stirring around in my mind,
how am I supposed to get them out to you?
How am I supposed to get them off my chest and into the world?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Feeling like a girl in the sky,
I can't come down to write today.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Starting Over

"If you want it, come and get it for crying out loud."

-David Gray

Rewind and pause. Time to adjust. Press play and put on mute. Fast forward through the long nights and skip back to grab your homework off the desk. Click to live. Watch intently until end credits. It'll keep you on the edge of your seat.

Monday, January 4, 2010

With every goodbye there is a lesson, with every hello there's hope.

To the Girl

To the girl who makes me walk in my own shoes,
who makes me feel brilliant.
The girl that I can never stop laughing around,
and there's never an akward moment.
Here's to the girl that opens my eyes to the talents,
and turns my back on the flaws.
To her, I ask one thing:
Always know how much you mean.

Thank you.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Nervous in a Shell

but shining out a light.
It's that feeling of wanting to be known,
but too afraid to step out.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


They met at the subway,
they met on a train.
He saw her at the coffee shop,
asked for her name.
A few weeks of dating,
and she kept with her game.
She told him the truth,
she said she's insane.
So he asked, "Why the lies,
why the covers, the shame?
We're all psychotic, we're all this way:
It's all just a constant and churning migraine."

Friday, January 1, 2010


Anything with meaning and everything without.


Of course I have specific hopes and dreams, wishes that drive me crazy with willing them into existence. So I suppose I could make them my new years resolutions, but the point of a resolution is to somehow better yourself and hopefully even a little bit of the world around you. That tells me to be sure in my decisions.
And I am... I hope.

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Happy New Year!

There is so much ahead of us, so much in store:)
I hope you have an amazing year!

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