Monday, November 30, 2009


When I'm feeling like this, I can't speak. I'm so afraid of what will come out of my mouth. I shut off my brain and watch people, hear people. Just look at life from an innocent bystander, not forming opinions, just relieved to see that not everyone is miserable.

It gives me hope, this way of coping: hope for a better tomorrow. I know it's cliche but I can't control my thoughts, and I don't hold back here.

At school, I'm usually pretty happy. But inside I'm regretful as to how I come off, how I explain my thoughts. I don't enjoy being seen for what I am not. I'm not ditsy, yet I laugh as if I am. I have high expectations of myself, but to others, I'm just another girl that doesn't care.  

I just want to leave, get out of this place. Get out of this time. Peter Pan had the right idea, just the wrong age. After high school is prime time for me. But what if I'm wrong? Then all life has been is a waiting game with no end in sight. I'm waiting for freedom, I'm waiting for culture, I'm waiting for love.

And still I continue to hope. Wish that fate's tapestry for me has no loose threads. One wrong pull, and my life could fall apart.